Use the law of reciprocity to improve business relationships

by Terry Bragg

Want to improve your relationships? Use the power of reciprocity to build trust, and enhance your work, family and social relationships.

Reciprocity is a basis of trust and a basis for legitimate power. People state the law of reciprocity in many forms. I'll scratch your back if you scratch mine; you reap what you sow; or you get what you give.

The principle is that others will reciprocate in kind based upon the way you treat them. The world gives you what you give to the world.

Social psychologists say idiosyncrasy credits result from the favorable impressions we make on others. These credits accumulate and you can cash them in for favors or to get others to do things for you.

Stephen Covey, author of The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, uses the phrase emotional bank account to describe the principle of reciprocity and the corresponding credit-withdrawal process in relationships. Using the metaphor of a financial bank account, the emotional bank account describes the trust that accumulates in a relationship. Like the financial bank account, you must make deposits before you can make withdrawals.

You should note eight important points regarding the law 
of reciprocity:

People expect repayment over time
This is based upon the idea of social exchange. Reciprocity is an implicit assumption in most of our relationships. Giving and receiving favors is a common exchange. When someone does something for you, they implicitly expect that when the circumstance is right, you will do something of approximately equal value for them. 

For example, if your neighbor helps you put up a fence, your neighbor will expect you to help him when he puts up a fence or needs other assistance with his home. If you cover for someone at work, you expect that they will cover for you when you need that person's help.

Acts must be mutually rewarding
A successful relationship requires that all parties benefit from the relationship and invest in the relationship. Even when one party might be the primary giver, they still often have the expectation that they will receive in kind, if not from the other party, then from the world at another time.

Deposits don't simply accumulate
The value of the deposits can increase or decrease over time. People may forget or ignore small deposits. People may remember big favors and large deposits for longer periods. The value of deposits is what the other person perceives the value to be.

You can go in the red
You can wipe out your account with a single withdrawal. If you don't have a large accumulation of credits or you make a very large withdrawal or you make many small withdrawals, you can go in the red.

You make deposits or receive credits by making 
favorable impressions on others, by doing things for them
You make deposits through courtesy, kindness, honesty, respect and other favors. The favors are often small, but they accumulate over time as your relationship blossoms. The deposits build trust and create a history of what the parties involved in the relationship expect from each other.

A history of reciprocity promotes trust
People evaluate your actions and motives based upon their perceptions of your previous actions and motives.

Reciprocity is a very powerful form of power
The expectation of giving and returning favors creates an obligation to stick to agreements. This is a very powerful and psychologically binding expectation. Although they may never discuss the expectation openly, it is there and affects negotiations and relationships.

Reciprocity can be both positive and negative
If you harm others, they may seek revenge or retribution. People want to make things even in a relationship. They want to do good for those who have treated them well. They want to do harm to those who have harmed them.

By understanding and using the power of reciprocity, you can improve your relationships and avoid mistakes that can permanently damage your relationships. In life and work, you get what you give.

For a free copy of “Ten Ways to Use Your Emotional Bank Account to Improve Your Relationships,” fax your letterhead with your name, address, e-mail address and the words “EMOTIONAL BANK ACCOUNT” to , or e-mail the information to .

Terry Bragg runs a company called Peacemakers Training in Salt Lake City and is the author of the book 31 Days to High Self-Esteem. He works with organizations to create a workplace where people want to work, and with managers who want their people to work together better. If you want your organization or your people to have more energy, more trust, more respect and more meaning, please contact him at or on the Web at www.terrybragg.com.

back to top                                  back to sales training archives